Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
