Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
