I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
