i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Couch. On fire.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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