***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
