Ketchup is God's man juice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
