He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
