What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
