i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
