Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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