You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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