my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
