so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize