Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
