I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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