u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
