my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
