Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
