Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
