you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I just put wine in my tea
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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