I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
