hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
