I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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