We named our party play list daddy issues
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
