Don't make out with my wife yet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
