Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
