she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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