it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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