theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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