i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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