I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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