i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
