best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
