Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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