Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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