Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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