i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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