Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
