Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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