Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize