Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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