i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
