I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
