When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
