how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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