Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I supernannyed him into submission
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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