My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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