he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
