I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
