I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
