I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
