She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
