Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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