pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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