I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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