I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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