I think scott just propositioned me for sex
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
