Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
