I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
