I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
