now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
