Buhtt sex?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
