these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
