you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
