dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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