I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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