there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
