My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
