bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
