i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
