At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wear drunk well.
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