She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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