question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
