The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
