My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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