a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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