and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
