Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
